what is it about me
that scares so many of my peers
is it really my appearance
or something deeper
is a richer age
reflected in my eyes
or can’t they see
past the five rings of metal
     in my ears or
the patches of color
     on my fingertips

some don’t seem to notice
until i wake up in their bed
the next morning
i question if i have a sexual dysfunction
or why else
would i be a chronic one-timer

i hate the instinct
             within myself
to desire status quo
because my instincts also cause me
to defy it
this causes
an interesting juxtaposition
of forces
that usually meet
when i feel fat
or unloved
or lie in my bed wondering
why